So in about an hour I'll be walking up the steps of our campus infirmary to get the results back from the series of tests I took last week. When I first when in to see the doctor last Thursday, I was originally only going to get the HIV test, but I wanted to put my mind at complete ease, so I also got tested for Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, and Syphilis. I don't think I have too much to worry about with the last three, but the mental peace will be well worth the money I had to pay.
Now that it's almost time to get my results back, the sense of anxiety has completely returned. I was laying on the couch with my partner last night and nearly burst into tears. To keep him from being nervous I held them back, but the same eruption of nervousness nearly overtook me when we went to bed. I laid awake for a while just thinking of everything that could happen. What would I do if they said I was positive? How would I feel if the results came back negative? To make matters worse, I had a dream that I had a huge fight with my mom. We never fight. So I'm not sure if I should read that as an omen of things to come or if I have hidden mommy issues -- that's another blog all together.
Our campus infirmary is a historic brick building that's been pieced together over the years. Inside, it looks like an old-fashioned insane asylum with pastel-colored tiles covering the floors and walls. Everything looks a little worn, but functional. I'm just hoping that their testing programs works properly.
With fear in my mind and anxiety in my heart.
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1 comment:
So, what were the results? Either way, I'm sorry you had to worry or that you have to live with the disease.
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