I got a call the other day...

I got a call the other day from a former partner. It was a week ago. A Sunday. The second of December actually, and I was working on a project for school. It was one of those calls that, at first, you think is going to the type where you chit chat about life and catch up on all the things that have been happening in your lives. I answered the phone with my typical, "Hello," with a slight hint of optimism. It's how I always answer the phone because, usually, phone calls are about sharing good news and catching up in old friends.

My former partner's response to my cheery "Hello" would change my life.

He said my name, but it wasn't his normal tone. He was subdued and there was a sense of anxiety to his voice. You know, the way it sounds when someone has bad news but they're not really sure how to begin? When he said my name, it was almost as if he was asking for verification to make sure that it was actually me. Unfortunately for me, it was.

He was silent for a few seconds. His tone grew more grave as he continued. "Some guy I hooked up with is positive," he said. This time, I grew silent.

"I'm going to the V.A. to get tested," he said next. I was still silent.

"You should probably get tested too."

My former partner had served in the military and had had a hard time coping with civilian life after he returned from war a few years ago. For a gay man, he's very "street," with tattoos on various body parts and scars across his abdomen. We met like many young, gay men do -- online. After chatting through must of my holiday break during my junior year of college, we met in person. Nothing serious never developed but we had sex on a few occasions...unprotected sex.

I'll admit, this was a dumb choice on my part. But I was younger than and didn't understand all the risks that went along with that type of behavior, and when I realized that his other addictions were becoming a problem, I told him we would never work out. Life went on, I moved, started dating other people, you know...how life's supposed to be when you're in your early twenties. Soon though, I started getting text messages at weird hours of the night. These text messages had ulterior motives, within a few minutes, we'd be having sex again.

Okay, so I let this carry on for far to long. Now, it's December 2007 and I'm getting the most life-altering phone call of my life. Not only did I learn that he had been having unprotected sex with someone else, but that at least one of his other partners was HIV positive.

My mind began to race and my heart sank so low that it hurt to breath. With each breath I had to force myself to exhale. My life's dreams flashed before my eyes, then vanquished with the thoughts of a premature death and a life of physical limitations because of this potential disease.

As I sat in my desk chair, my arms fell beside my body...lifeless. It was hard to move. I was angry, but I couldn't find the strength to yell into the phone. There were so many questions racing through my head that it was hard to sort through all of them. Sure we had never been monogamously coupled, but I never thought that he'd be having unprotected sex with other people.

He never even said sorry before he hung up the phone.